Jan 19, 2017 03:48
7 yrs ago
1 viewer *
Spanish term
el esfínter se había vaciado de todo
Spanish to English
Art/Literary
Poetry & Literature
Murder mystery novel
Good Evening Prozians,
I’m translating a murder mystery and this part is when Lian is administering electric shocks (by an electrocephalagram, I think) to the lady and he has her strapped down to a gurney. He wants to make the electroshocks more powerful now. I’m struggling with the equivalent of “Ya el esfínter se había vaciado de todo."
Context: -Estamos listos para el próximo nivel, respira que esta vez será más fuerte.
-Noooo… Lian… Noooo, esper…
Sólo sentí dolor, me aplastaban la cabeza contra la mesa, mi cuerpo daba brincos más altos y cada parte en mi interior parecía desencajarse de su posición. Ya el esfínter se había vaciado de todo lo que tenía en el estómago. Traté de gritar, pero no me quedaban espacios para hacerlo, la electricidad me tenía tomada por completo; sentí un leve olor a quemado y lo último que vi fue a Lían, riendo a carcajadas.
My attempt: “We’re ready to go up to the next level, breathe because this time it will be stronger.”
“Noooo…Lian…Noooo, wait…plea…
I just hurt so bad, I banged my head against the table, my body was jumping up so high and each part of my body became dislocated. Now my bladder had already completely emptied itself of all the urine in my body. I tried to scream, but there was no room to do it, the electricity had completely took over me; I smelled a slight burning odor and my last glimpse of Lian was of him laughing his heart out.
I’m translating a murder mystery and this part is when Lian is administering electric shocks (by an electrocephalagram, I think) to the lady and he has her strapped down to a gurney. He wants to make the electroshocks more powerful now. I’m struggling with the equivalent of “Ya el esfínter se había vaciado de todo."
Context: -Estamos listos para el próximo nivel, respira que esta vez será más fuerte.
-Noooo… Lian… Noooo, esper…
Sólo sentí dolor, me aplastaban la cabeza contra la mesa, mi cuerpo daba brincos más altos y cada parte en mi interior parecía desencajarse de su posición. Ya el esfínter se había vaciado de todo lo que tenía en el estómago. Traté de gritar, pero no me quedaban espacios para hacerlo, la electricidad me tenía tomada por completo; sentí un leve olor a quemado y lo último que vi fue a Lían, riendo a carcajadas.
My attempt: “We’re ready to go up to the next level, breathe because this time it will be stronger.”
“Noooo…Lian…Noooo, wait…plea…
I just hurt so bad, I banged my head against the table, my body was jumping up so high and each part of my body became dislocated. Now my bladder had already completely emptied itself of all the urine in my body. I tried to scream, but there was no room to do it, the electricity had completely took over me; I smelled a slight burning odor and my last glimpse of Lian was of him laughing his heart out.
Proposed translations
(English)
References
sphincter | JohnMcDove |
Change log
Jan 19, 2017 04:24: JohnMcDove changed "Language pair" from "Spanish to English" to "English to Spanish"
Jan 19, 2017 04:51: JohnMcDove changed "Language pair" from "English to Spanish" to "Spanish to English"
Proposed translations
44 mins
the sphincter had let everything out
The Spanish does not seem very natural to me. Probably the subject itself it's brutal enough.
The idea is that the person had defecated, not able to control the sphincter muscles.
That is the idea. Some native English speaker will give you a better expression, a better way to say it in English, but that is the idea.
The idea is that the person had defecated, not able to control the sphincter muscles.
That is the idea. Some native English speaker will give you a better expression, a better way to say it in English, but that is the idea.
Peer comment(s):
neutral |
Carol Gullidge
: sorry, but this sounds totally unnatural in English :((// well, at least you used a low CR to reflect the fact that you're not a native EN speaker :)
5 hrs
|
Sí..., no en balde, "nací en el Mediterráneo"... (o cerquita, de padres manchegos... ;-) Thank you for the input, nonetheles. :-)
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50 mins
My sphincter had already let everything in my stomach go.
I am pretty sure that the author is talking about fecal matter, not urine.
Good luck!
Good luck!
Peer comment(s):
neutral |
Carol Gullidge
: there is no such thing as "my sphincter" in English, rendering this unidiomatic//can't disagree with you there :) This illustrates just one of the many knotty dilemmas when translating a poorly-edited ST
13 hrs
|
Well, to be fair, the sentence is unnatural in the ST too. It seems that the author's prose is rather sloppy, so perhaps we shouldn't try too hard to improve on the ST.
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+1
5 hrs
my bowels had already released the contents of my stomache
-
Peer comment(s):
neutral |
Carol Gullidge
: hmmm! sounds more natural than the other 2 answers. However, the bowels can only physically release their own contents (e.g., her bowels emptied themselves), and not those of the stomach (without an "e"!)//Perhaps "guts" would work??
8 hrs
|
Get what you mean, but I felt the contents of her stomach had probably passed through the bowels at a fast rate of knots and been released!
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agree |
JohnMcDove
: I would go with this, or just "my bowels had already released its contents..." :-)
1 day 13 hrs
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Thanks, John. Appreciate it. And yes, "my bowels had already released their contents" would work too.
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Reference comments
38 mins
Reference:
sphincter
https://es.oxforddictionaries.com/translate/spanish-english/...
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Note added at 41 mins (2017-01-19 04:29:37 GMT)
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Urine in the bladder does not match with "estómago"... It seems to be referring to the "anal sphincter"..., i.e., "defecatum est". The person has defecated, be because of the fear or because of the brutal electrical charge.
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Note added at 41 mins (2017-01-19 04:29:37 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------
Urine in the bladder does not match with "estómago"... It seems to be referring to the "anal sphincter"..., i.e., "defecatum est". The person has defecated, be because of the fear or because of the brutal electrical charge.
Peer comments on this reference comment:
agree |
Carol Gullidge
: as you point out, there is more than one sphincter muscle in the human body, and it is inaccurate to imply - as the ST does - that there is only one of them and that this covers every bodily evacuation!
6 hrs
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Thank you very much, Carol. :-)
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Discussion
This one says "todo la que tenía en el estómago,", so it's a different bodily function. It makes no mention of urine, but the translation does.
I presume you are not a native EN speaker - but for obvious reasons, it's never a good idea to try to translate professionally into anything other than your mother tongue :(. I presume that as these are PRO questions, then you are being paid for the translation...
To be honest, I would definitely check with the author regarding what he is actually referring to. The obvious thing would be the bowel, but his vague catch-all use of the word "esfínter" in no way makes this absolutely clear. His use of the term makes it sound as though he believes there is only one of them and that it is in control of all of the bodily functions!